Pleading ignorance

I don't know, I just don't know. I am, frankly, shocked at myself.

I've quit marijuana for 7 years. Bored with it. But for the last three nights I've split a joint with someone.

I'm back on the POT.

Not to mention the recent (see below) uncharacteristic decisions and laid-back appreciation for life.

In the past, L. has hurt my feelings by saying that he will come to see me at x o'clock and failing to show within three hours. It has made me feel insignificant and unimportant, a non-entity in his life and lonely.

Last night around 9pm, he stopped by to let me know that he was heading out to a friend's and he would be back soon.

I'm not sure when I fell asleep, but I had finished disc 2 of season 2 of Arrested Development. I know this because when I woke up at 5:30am alone the computer was still on.

I had a moment of panic, of need to make sure he was okay. Ran out to living room (failed to look out window and notice him sitting on the porch) to grab the phone and hope he's fine.

"Yea, I'm just out front."

"Huh."

I wasn't upset, just glad to see him. He was afraid I was angry, but I just wanted to spend some time with him before work.

What the hell happened to the needy bitch that lived in my skin for 8 years?

God, I love him.